Wit's End

We studied idioms recently in our homeschooling, and while "at your wit's end" wasn't one that we talked about, it is where I was at yesterday.  It means being upset and not knowing what to do. 

I realize that what I've been dealing with isn't earth-shattering, and in the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal.  But when you are exhausted, have one thing after another coming at you, it starts to pile up and there's the whole "straw that broke the camel's back" thing. 

Remember the car wreck from August 17th?  Well, my car is still in the body shop.  It was supposed to be ready last Tuesday, then last Friday, then Monday, then yesterday, and now this Friday.  I don't hold out hope anymore that it will actually be ready when they tell me.  Yes, I'm thankful that the other insurance company is paying to fix it.  I'm thankful that it is fixable.  I'm thankful that they have set me up in a rental car in the meantime.  But it still stinks.  I want MY car back.  I want that part of normal back.  I want to quit dealing with insurance companies, body shops, and rental car companies.

Then, last week we were finally getting back on a roll and in a groove with our homeschool schedules and lessons.  We were really getting into it.  Last Thursday morning I went out into the garage to get a supply for a science experiment and instead I found standing water.  It was right by the closet that holds our hot water heater and pressure tank.  I figured (hoped) it was the hot water heater. 

I turned the water off and started calling plumbers.  I went to the room that was on the other side of the wall from the closet, which happens to me our middle child's room, to see if the water had seeped through the wall.  Sure enough, it had.  The carpet in his closet was wet, as well as the carpet on one side of the room.  So, I also called the carpet people to get the water dried up.  It was more than a little damp, and with allergy boy I just can't risk having mold grow.  When they came out, they actually found a little more water damage than I realized.  We were left with pulled up carpet, dehumidifiers, fans, and noise.  Again. 

The first plumbers weren't able to find the leak, even after cutting two holes in the wall (which they then told me they weren't responsible for fixing).  Sent them away and called the plumbing company I should have called first, which does leak detection.  They couldn't come out until Friday morning.  When they did come out, they found the problem:  slab leak.  Oh joy.

After getting estimates and talking it over with my husband, we decide on which route we want to go.  Because it was so late on Friday afternoon when we got the estimates no work could begin until Monday.  It would take three days to fix.  As I'm writing this it is about noon on Wednesday.  We've been without running water in our house for a week.  They assure me we will have water by tonight.  They better be right.

So, the wit's end part.  It all just got to be too much yesterday.  I was trying to figure out why my car wasn't ready and when it would be.  Communication is not the strong suit of any of the other parties involved, apparently.  We've been showering at my parents house and spending a lot of time there.  While I'm very thankful and appreciative that we have that opportunity, again I just want to be able to take a shower and wash my hands in my own house, you know?  Like I said before, I want that part of normal back.  I sat at the dining room table in my parents' house and just started crying.  I couldn't help it.  I've been trying to handle everything, take care of everything, make sure everyone else's needs are being met, and like many other moms I neglect my own needs in the process.  I'm exhausted.  The last two nights we haven't slept in our own house because of the work being done, and the kids just don't sleep well when they aren't in their own beds.  I don't either. 

It's been a long week in a long month in a long year.  I know better than to ask "what else" or "what's next" because I know that the universe is always happy to show just what else can happen.  I know that other people are dealing with loads that are much heavier to bear than mine.  But sometimes even little things can send you to your wit's end.  At those times, a good cry, a glass of sweet tea and a phone conversation with your best friends can do wonders.

Drive Safe

Drive safe.  Yes, I realize that it may not be grammatically correct, but it's what my mom always said to me as a teenager when I would leave the house.  The words, in her voice, are etched in my memory.  Actually, she still says it to me sometimes. 

I was driving safely this morning, but another driver wasn't.  She decided to run a light, fail to yield right of way, and turn in front of me.  And I couldn't stop.  My 3 year old was with me.  He and I are both okay, but to be quite honest, it was scary as hell.  Thankfully, amazingly (just look at the pictures below!), the other driver and her passenger are okay as well. 

I should be packing and getting the car ready to leave on a road trip tomorrow morning.  We've cancelled that, and instead I'm sitting here, looking at pictures of the car, reliving every second of the morning, playing the "what if" game.  I did nothing wrong, and yet I'm still wondering "what if I'd stopped for gas instead of deciding to wait until the morning" and on and on. 

Please, please, please -- this is my plea to everyone.  Drive safely.  Pay attention.  Slow down.  Don't run red lights or stop signs.  Don't text and drive.  It's not worth risking your life and the lives of those around you just to get somewhere 30 seconds faster, to try to "beat" the light, to say to yourself "oh, I'll just text my best friend the latest gossip".  Am I a perfect driver?  No, and I don't claim to be.  But I try my best to be a safe driver because I know that my kids' lives could depend on it.  While we're at it, wear your damn seat belt and make sure your kids are buckled up in an appropriate car seat.  Please.

I would also like to say thank you to the people that stopped to help.  There was a lady that didn't see the wreck but passed by right after it happened.  She was a blessing.  She walked over and asked if I was okay, told me her name and that she was a nurse, and then she hugged me.  That gesture?  That simple hug?  It meant more to me than she will probably ever know.  She talked and joked with the Sprout, who was still buckled in his carseat, okay but scared and shaken up.  To Glenda -- thank you. 

And the others that stopped -- the woman at the gas station that saw the whole thing, who brought her 4 year old daughter over to make sure everyone was okay and to tell the police what happened.  She stayed even when she didn't have to just to make sure my husband got there to get us.  To Tabitha -- thank you.

And of course the policemen and EMS workers, and the firefighters that let the Sprout take a look inside the firetruck.  The man that let me use his cell phone to call my husband when I couldn't find my phone.  My poor husband, who got a phone call from a strange number, then got to listen to his hyperventilating wife say she'd just been in a wreck, it was bad, please come to where we were, then hung up on him.  My best friend, who said she'd be there in 10 if I needed her to.  Yeah, you don't know what that meant to me either.  I'm holding you to the offer of the froyo this weekend, by the way. 

I need to write this all out, get these thoughts that have been swirling around somewhat organized, or at least voiced so that maybe I can actually sleep tonight.  It took me a long time to stop shaking.  I'm still shaken up.  The tears still come.  Cars can be fixed or replaced.  Vacations can be rescheduled.  We are okay, and that is what matters. 

Drive safe.